I couldn’t make this stuff up. Well, I suppose I could but what would be the point: it’s so much easier to simply collect data.

Making U-turns in Cambridge: Source: drivinglikeass.com Labs

My brother—like some other people when I tell them about this blog—is quick to tell me that I have too much time on my hands which, of course, is the always the first reaction of people who wish THEY had thought of something first or, more often, of people who, upon finding themselves with time on their hands, haven’t the slightest idea what to do with it. What my brother does not understand is that studying and writing about driving behavior in Boston (he calls it ranting, but what does he know? He lives in Racine! That’s in Wisconsin! Talk about having too much time on your hands!) takes almost no time at all because the streets are awash with research inspiration. Any intersection is a day-long parade of driving like ass on display.

The following series of pictures was taken at the corner of Garfield Street and Massachusetts Avenue in Cambridge. Left-turns are permitted from either direction; U-turns are prohibited from both directions. Standing in a discreet location so not to influence the behavior of the subjects in any way (although, as has been repeatedly demonstrated, driving like ass is remarkably resistant to influences of any kind (see Oscar, Meyer, et.al. 2002.)) I took the following pictures during an 8 minute period each of which shows a car is the process of making a U-turn, despite the posted prohibition. Actually, I witnessed five U-turns during that time but failed to capture the first while trying to remember how to work the zoom. Furthermore, since my research strives to isolate variables in the experimental design, I did not photograph other violations. But, if you must know, the anecdotal record shows 17 other moving violations, mostly failures to grant right-of-way to pedestrians in the cross walk, and one instance of playing Jay-Z at unacceptable volume…not technically a violation, but high on my wish list.

U-turn #1: I suppose the driver would claim this was really a “3-point turn” which, we learn in driver’s ed, is not the same as a U-turn. Overuled! $100 and 3 points!

U-turn #2: This is the definition of driving like ass: complete indifference and/or ignorance of the law. The driver signaled and waited politely for more almost two minutes before turning as if there wasn’t a thing improper about his maneuver. $100 and 3 points!

U-turn #3: This guy gets points for knowing he was violating the law (stayed in the right-hand lane then flooring it to make the U-turn when there was no traffic.) $100 and 3 points plus 2 more points for driving with the top down November!

U-turn #4: This guy took his sweet time, too…and, no: he is not turning into the filling station. $100 and 3 points plus two more for being the second BMW in a row!

But don’t take my word for it. The basis of the scientific method is the “reproducibility”, so try this same experiment in the comfort of your own neighborhood. Stand at any intersection and count or, as I did, photograph the violations. Give yourself 10 minutes. If you don’t capture at least two violations during that time then 1) you are probably not in Massachusetts; or, 2) you are in some cute exurb like Weston or Lincoln, in which case you should wait 15 minutes. You are encouraged to submit interesting and/or bizarre behavior to drvinglikeass.com.

The data points are incomplete and the research still inconclusive, but the preceding exercise raises several interesting questions which drivinglikeass.com hopes to address in future entries. One of the most intriguing is why, if driving infractions are so prevalent and so easy to document by independent researchers, why can’t state and/or local police do the same? Most driving authorities believe police could reproduce these results if they were able to spend less time keeping an eye on that hole an Nstar crew opened up on some side street in Savin Hill.

More on this later.